E9: Problem Solving

How should I know which aspect of the situation should I work on changing? I am not sure which one is the most suitable.

Start with the things you have control over. For example, our thoughts and the resulting feelings are usually something we can work on (trying to straighten the cognitive distortions present). You can benefit from the exercise about cognitive vulnerability that we previously worked on in this module. Sometimes the way in which other people consistently behave is out of our control. That is not to say that we shouldn't try to communicate our boundaries. You can also work on changing the way you behave in and do something differently. For example you can walk out of a situation that is harmful to you (if possible).

I can't think of alternatives, my brainstorming session is a little dry.

You can try asking somebody you trust and you know has your back about ideas about the situation. If you regularly put yourself down with the way you think about yourself and the way you interpret the events around you, then you can try thinking about what advice you would give a friend of yours who is in the same situation. Remember that the potential solution to the problem should eventually improve the situation for you and help you with the overwhelming emotion you usually experience. For example, in the body-shaming example we presented, if the woman shamed herself into losing a lot of weight, she would still end up with negative emotions, so that would not be the best solution for her.

What if I can't remember to try the solution I've come up with next time I find myself in the problematic situation?

It is okay if you need some time to get used to implementing the solution. Quality change doesn't come with little effort. If you don't remember to implement the solution the first time, just remind yourself that that is totally fine, be patient and try it again next time. Maybe the first couple of times you won't end up with the emotion you would eventually like to feel, but remember that this is a skill and it can be learned through practice.

If you have any behavioral health questions or concerns, please talk to your healthcare or mental health care provider. This article is supported by peer-reviewed research and information drawn from behavioral health societies and governmental agencies. However, it is not a substitute for professional behavioral health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.